1 00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:07,959 Hi, guys. 2 00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:10,479 So, I'm back home, and I can't get Ireland out of my head. 3 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:11,959 I'm changed. I'm in turmoil. 4 00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:13,999 I mean, firstly, I loved the place. 5 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:15,959 Then I met this chick, Joy. 6 00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:18,959 And for want of another term, she steals kids. 7 00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:21,799 I mean, she stole a baby and tried to pass it off as her own. 8 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:22,959 INHALES DEEPLY 9 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:24,959 Now, I know you guys know I'm pretty relaxed, 10 00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:27,959 and most things are chill with Will, but stealing babies has me shook. 11 00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:31,960 I mean, who steals a kid just to freak out their ex? 12 00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:36,960 SHE SNORTS 13 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:56,959 Skinny jeans. Ugh. 14 00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:59,959 HE SNORTS, MUMBLES 15 00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:00,960 Ursula. 16 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:14,960 DOOR SLAMS 17 00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:23,960 Joy! 18 00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,959 Is Maeve coming out to play? 19 00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:36,959 Oh, that is so weird. 20 00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:38,959 Do you remember when we used to do that? 21 00:01:38,960 --> 00:01:40,959 JOY CHUCKLES No, I used to do that. 22 00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:43,959 You used to pretend you were doing just grand on your own, 23 00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:45,959 with your nose pressed up against the window, 24 00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:48,959 staring at us playing British Bulldogs. 25 00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:51,639 No. LAUGHS 26 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:53,959 They were good times. - Yeah, that you watched. 27 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:55,959 Do you know one thing I will say, Maeve? 28 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:59,640 I bruise like a peach, and that game is Grade-A violence. 29 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:01,959 So, where's Stan the camera? 30 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:03,959 No Stan, no Stan. No Stan. 31 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:06,959 Just you and me going on a surprise adventure. 32 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,959 You've got to live while you can, Maeve, 33 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:11,799 cos once you're dead, you're dead forever. 34 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:14,959 You're really coming at me with the hard science this morning. 35 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:16,959 OK, quezzie time. 36 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:19,960 Name one thing we always wanted to do when we were younger. 37 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,959 SCOFFS Jason Priestly, for you. 38 00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:25,639 You know, for me, in hindsight, Donna Martin. 39 00:02:25,640 --> 00:02:26,959 No, go again. No people. 40 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:29,959 Get on The Late Late Toy Show and drive a mini car around the set 41 00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:31,639 out of the studio and all the way home. 42 00:02:31,640 --> 00:02:32,959 No, go again. 43 00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:34,959 Er, afternoon tea in a posh hotel? 44 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:37,479 - No, go again. - Er... 45 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:39,960 - No more going again. - What are you...? 46 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:44,959 Oh, OK. Oh, this is all a bit 50 Shades Of Grey. 47 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:46,639 Will there be Jamie Dornan? 48 00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:48,959 Sadly, no. THEY CHUCKLE 49 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,959 Yeah, it's a surprise, Maeve, so you're not allowed 50 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:53,999 to see anything else until it's actually happening. 51 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:55,959 OK, but can I just ask, is it sex-based? 52 00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:57,159 Negator! 53 00:02:57,160 --> 00:02:59,999 OK, so it doesn't involve Johnny Logan or Linda Martin? 54 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,959 Does it involve fencing? 55 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:03,959 Maeve, do you know what? 56 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:05,959 You're actually really crap at guessing things. 57 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:07,959 So I'm shutting that whole side of things down. 58 00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:10,160 - Can I talk? - No. 59 00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:18,960 Taxi should be here soon. 60 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:26,160 CAT MEOWS 61 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:30,960 DOG BARKING 62 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:34,800 PHONE RINGS Oh. 63 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,479 Oh. - I am so... 64 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:45,959 I'm so sorry. I'm... - So sorry. 65 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,319 I'm so sorry. 66 00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:48,959 Sorry about this. 67 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:50,960 Oh, I'll shut that down. RINGING STOPS 68 00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:55,639 Joy? Joy, Joy, Joy. 69 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:57,959 Joy, answer your phone. 70 00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:01,319 I know you're there because that's the nature of mobiles. 71 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:04,959 You can't just disappear when shit hits the fan, 72 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:06,959 and shit has hit the fan. 73 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:07,959 'Stealing babies has me shook. 74 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:11,959 'I mean, who steals a kid just to freak out their ex?' 75 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,959 Will Dack has fucked you on a global level. 76 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:17,959 Your reputation online is of an insane baby-stealer, 77 00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:19,959 and we need to post something in response. 78 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,959 The longer we leave it, the worse it gets. 79 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:24,959 If we don't post something by the end of the day, 80 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:29,959 you've basically re-branded yourself as a combo of Fred and Rose West. 81 00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:32,959 A two-headed, baby-munching gargoyle, 82 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:34,959 which rather limits sponsorship opportunities. 83 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:37,959 I think you'll agree. So call me. 84 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:39,959 KEYPAD BEEPS, PHONE THUDS 85 00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:41,959 She's off the reservation. 86 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:44,959 Off the reservation with 150,000 followers. 87 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:46,959 Shouldn't you be setting up a search party? 88 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:51,959 Yes, a search party. Fan out, flyers, cover the island. 89 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:53,959 Cover the island? 90 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,959 I don't know, it felt right. 91 00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,159 Look, she'll be back. 92 00:04:57,160 --> 00:05:00,959 She's probably just sitting calmly in a dark room, 93 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:02,959 thinking of an amazing response. 94 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:06,960 Yeah. Cos sitting calmly and thinking is just so Joy. 95 00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:11,959 Yeah. 96 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:14,959 Oh! Oh, God, I am so sorry. 97 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:16,959 I am, erm... I'm on an adventure. 98 00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:18,959 I can't see your face with that thing on. 99 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:21,959 Yeah, so, basically, it's that exact face 100 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:24,959 except there's two eyes here. 101 00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:26,959 Like, your classic two-eyes, two-eyebrows set-up, 102 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:27,959 and then the rest, you can see. 103 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:30,799 - Lift the blindfold. - Really? 104 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:31,959 Really. JOY SIGHS 105 00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:33,959 You don't open your eyes, OK? 106 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:35,639 - Done. - I need to see your eyes. 107 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:38,959 Why, though? Are you worried she has lasers in there? 108 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:40,320 Like tiny eye lasers? 109 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:44,959 OK, on the count of three, yeah? 110 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:45,959 I mean, whatever. 111 00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:47,959 OK, so, one, two, three. Are you ready? 112 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,959 OK, one, two, three. 113 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:52,999 JOY MIMICS MACHINE GUN Pew-pew! 114 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,479 Are you putting me in prison? PHONE RINGS 115 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,959 Don't be silly. This is a fun adventure. 116 00:05:57,960 --> 00:05:59,959 Ma'am, are the bouncy castles this way? 117 00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:02,959 Oh! Oh, my God, Funderland. 118 00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:04,959 I love Funder. 119 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:07,959 Joy, will you just answer or call me back as soon as you can? 120 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:09,319 We need to talk about last night. 121 00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:11,959 Look, I'm really just freaking out here. 122 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:13,959 Is that Joy? 123 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:16,959 Hey, girlfriend, we miss you. 124 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,959 Look, I know it's a bit weird 125 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:20,959 and you've only been away for one night, 126 00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:24,999 but it's just made me realise how important you are to me 127 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,959 and what a good friend you've been, 128 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,479 and what a great shoulder you are to cry on 129 00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:31,159 and such a positive influence. 130 00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:32,959 'And I guess the bottom line is, 131 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:34,959 'you've become someone really important to me, Joy.' 132 00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:36,959 'Steady on, Christie.' 'I mean it.' 133 00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:38,960 Also, we need milk. 134 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:41,960 Let's make love. 135 00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:47,960 I can basically never go home. 136 00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:52,319 I hate having a clairvoyant as a roommate. 137 00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:53,959 I smell diesel. 138 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:55,959 Are we going to the ploughing championships? 139 00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:57,959 Cos I'm pretty sure I never wanged on about that 140 00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,959 when I was a teenager. 141 00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:01,959 No. 142 00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:03,959 Not long to wait for the big reveal now. 143 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:05,959 PHONE RINGS 144 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,959 You're getting a lot of calls. 145 00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:09,959 It's a gas, isn't it? 146 00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:11,800 Mm. A pain in the hole, I'd have said. 147 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:14,959 Do you even have a phone? 148 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:17,959 Nah, massive waste of time. 149 00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:19,999 Yeah. 150 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:21,960 PHONE RINGS, JOY SIGHS 151 00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:26,959 'You've found Joy. Leave a message.' 152 00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:28,959 Oh, hey, Joy. BABY CRYING IN BACKGROUND 153 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:31,959 Hope everything is sensational with you, 154 00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:35,959 because it is sensational over here. 155 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:38,959 I was just dropping you a quick line 156 00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:41,960 to let you know that my husband has left me. 157 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:45,960 So that's pretty fun, isn't it? 158 00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:51,960 Yes, so, if you've got a quick sec, if you can give me a call back. 159 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:55,999 OK. Bye. 160 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,999 CRYING CONTINUES 161 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:00,640 And... 162 00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:04,159 Joy, we're on a boat! 163 00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:05,960 Don't be scared, Maeve. 164 00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:10,959 JOY LAUGHS For fuck's sake! 165 00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:12,960 We're going to Holyhead! 166 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,959 To... To Holyhead? No, I have plans. 167 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:17,959 No, balls to your plans! 168 00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:20,159 We always said we'd do it, you and me. 169 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:23,159 We'd just get out of here, get the boat to Holyhead 170 00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:25,959 and go to Boots and get cola-flavoured lip balms 171 00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:30,799 and body butter that smelt of bloody papaya! 172 00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:32,959 I'm not crying, Maeve, I'm not. 173 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:35,999 It's just the sea air makes my eyes water so bad! 174 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:38,319 Do you know if we were shipwrecked 175 00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:39,959 and I was on a piece of driftwood, 176 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:42,639 and I thought there was even a tiny bit of room on it for you, 177 00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:45,639 I would bunch over a little bit more. 178 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:48,960 I just think Rose was so scabby on that front. 179 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:53,160 You mad bitch! 180 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:56,959 Yeah! Yeah. 181 00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:59,959 Yeah, yeah, yeah! Well, I mean, one last adventure! 182 00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:02,959 It doesn't have to be our last adventure, Maeve. 183 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,959 Well, I mean, no. No! 184 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:07,959 MAEVE LAUGHS Of course. 185 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:11,639 And you know what? I bloody love lip balm. 186 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:12,959 Holyhead! 187 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:19,479 We are coming for your exportable perfumes, guys! 188 00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:22,959 Papaya! 189 00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:23,959 PHONE RINGS 190 00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:26,959 Ugh! My phone! 191 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:27,960 - Ugh. - Ah! 192 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:36,960 SHE GRUNTS 193 00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:45,640 God, I instantly regret that. 194 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:48,159 Is it deep? 195 00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:50,959 It looks deep. - Really. I mean, it's like... 196 00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:52,960 Oh! 197 00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:56,479 JOY GASPS Oh! 198 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:57,960 MAEVE LAUGHS 199 00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:06,960 Hi, guys. 200 00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:12,959 JOY LAUGHS 201 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:15,959 Oh, my God, look at the bunting. Welsh bunting. 202 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:17,959 - It's so... - I love the dragon. 203 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:19,959 Oh, look, there's the family lawyers. 204 00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:20,960 Ah! 205 00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:26,959 THEY LAUGH 206 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:30,960 Papaya, blueberry, passion fruit, orange... 207 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:36,959 Look at this, look at this. 208 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:38,320 Oh! 209 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:41,960 Oh! Smell that. 210 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:44,960 Kiwi or kumquat. - Yeah, yeah. 211 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:48,479 I'll puff mine out. 212 00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:50,959 Pah! Pah! 213 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:52,959 THEY CHATTER 214 00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:53,959 Shall we go in? - Yeah. 215 00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:55,320 - We're going in. - Yes. 216 00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:59,959 God, it's just so different here. 217 00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:02,639 I really feel the benefit of the break, too. 218 00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:05,959 It's cos the air is so clean. 219 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:09,959 And the shops. - Oh, the shops are just there. 220 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:12,959 And they're just so full of... things. 221 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:14,959 - Yeah. - Mental. 222 00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:16,959 And the people are... 223 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:19,799 - Oh. - ...so lovely. 224 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:20,959 And so centred. MAN YELLING 225 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:23,159 - Yeah. - Wise and... 226 00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:25,959 I know. Stupid machine! 227 00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:27,959 Oh, and their skin. 228 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,959 - Oh, skin! - Their skin is so good. 229 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,479 Oh. 230 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:33,960 JOY SIGHS CONTENTEDLY 231 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,959 - And... - We should get home. 232 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:38,000 Yeah. 233 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:45,959 Bye, guys! 234 00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:47,960 Fucking hell! 235 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,959 JOY GASPS Deadly! 236 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:55,959 No, no. No, no, no. 237 00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:58,959 Not deadly at all. I have stuff to do, stuff to... 238 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:00,959 - Maeve, Maeve. - ...finish at home. 239 00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:02,959 What if we can never go home? JOY GASPS 240 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:04,959 We live here now, Maeve. Welcome. 241 00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:07,639 No, I REALLY need to get home. 242 00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:08,959 I do. 243 00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:13,160 I mean, I've loved it here, but, er... 244 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,959 Yeah. Yeah, OK. 245 00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:17,960 Yeah. 246 00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:19,960 Yeah. 247 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:28,799 But, er, now that we live here, 248 00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,959 you know, I think that we should enjoy ourselves. 249 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:35,959 If we're gonna do it, we are gonna really actually do it. 250 00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:37,959 We are gonna get... 251 00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:39,959 tattoos! - Cola-flavoured lip balms! 252 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:41,960 I'm sorry, what? - Tattoos. 253 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:46,960 - What? - Tattoos. 254 00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:51,999 Tattoos? Tattoos? 255 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:55,959 Takeaway shots! Takeaway shots! 256 00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:57,960 Yes! 257 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:02,959 Takeaway shots. 258 00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:05,959 Truly, we are living in the golden age of Holyhead. 259 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:09,959 CHUCKLES Oh, we're such mad bitches, Maeve. 260 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:14,959 Me with the shots, and you getting your cutie, little ankle tattoo. 261 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,959 Oh, it's gonna be so gorgeous in the summer 262 00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:19,959 with little dresses and little sandals. 263 00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:20,960 Oh, my God! 264 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:23,959 What? 265 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:27,960 If you're gonna get a tattoo, get a tattoo. 266 00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:29,960 Is it too small? 267 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:31,960 No. 268 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:35,959 No, I think it's gonna be... 269 00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:37,959 I think it's gonna be grand in the summer, 270 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:39,959 with a really heavy fringe 271 00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:41,959 or maybe all of the rest of your hair 272 00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:43,959 just combed forward across your forehead. 273 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:47,639 And here, well done on your tattoo. 274 00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:48,960 Yeah. 275 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:51,959 It's just that one dot of ink, isn't it? 276 00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:54,959 Yeah. But, you know, as you said, it's a symbol. 277 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:56,959 Well done, brave soldier. 278 00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:58,959 - Thank you. - Here, neck that back. 279 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,959 You too, pal. 280 00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:04,000 We are going dancing! 281 00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:08,319 Ow. - Ah! 282 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:11,160 DISCO MUSIC PLAYING 283 00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:17,959 So, we heard that if you get a Holyhead Nights tattoo, 284 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,959 you basically get free drink here forever. 285 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:22,799 Yeah, you do, but only up to 9pm. 286 00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:24,319 Yeah, but it's, like, four minutes past nine. 287 00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:27,960 Exactly. BOTH GROAN 288 00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:29,959 Two pints of wine, please. 289 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:34,639 Works out cheaper if you get two litres in jugs with straws. 290 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:36,639 I love Wales. 291 00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:37,959 So do I. 292 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:41,960 Oh! 293 00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:46,999 Aw. Mm! 294 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:48,959 Oaky, woody. 295 00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:51,960 - Mm. Cheers. - Aw, cheers, my lady. 296 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:57,959 Excuse me, what type of wine is that? 297 00:14:57,960 --> 00:14:59,960 White wine. 298 00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:02,319 Ooh. 299 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:04,000 I have to go dancing now. 300 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:09,959 Hywel, we need to stop that tattoo deal. 301 00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:10,960 JOY GROANS 302 00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:17,959 Oh, this is burning my oesophagus. 303 00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,959 Ah, me too. 304 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,959 Those are great old jugs, Maeve. 305 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,479 Do you remember the time you raided 306 00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:26,639 your parents' drinks cabinet and you got so drunk, 307 00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:28,799 you puked out your nose, you burned your nostrils, 308 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,319 and you had to apply eight-hour cream 309 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,959 up there with a cotton bud for, like, two weeks? 310 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:34,960 Yeah! MAEVE LAUGHS 311 00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:40,959 Oh, this is so greaaaat! 312 00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:43,959 You know, we are 99.9% Irish, 313 00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:48,959 but we are 100% human! 314 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:51,000 Our culture's meshing! 315 00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:57,959 Oh. 316 00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:02,640 Yes, yes! 317 00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:12,960 CROWD SHOUTING 318 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:23,960 Argh! 319 00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:29,959 Hi, this is so not personal, 320 00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:31,639 it's just, you only live once, 321 00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:34,959 and I've never been involved in a bar brawl. 322 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:35,960 Sorry. 323 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:38,959 Oh! 324 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:40,800 Ugh. 325 00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:45,960 Ow. A closed fist, you absolute lunatic! 326 00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,639 I'm here for the rugby. 327 00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:51,320 And for sex. 328 00:16:54,960 --> 00:17:00,959 You guys say "grand" for a big house, 329 00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:05,639 and we say "grand" for "yeah, fine, OK". 330 00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:07,960 Does that not blow your mind? 331 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:10,959 Your friend's crazy. 332 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:12,959 SLURPING 333 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:15,960 Yeah. She lives like there's no tomorrow. 334 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:23,320 Just can't apologise for being you. 335 00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:27,319 You, that includes you, my friend! 336 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:30,999 Just stop apologising for everything. 337 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:32,999 Get down immediately, or I'm calling the police. 338 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:34,960 So sorry. 339 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:42,959 BELCHES, MAEVE AND JOY LAUGH 340 00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:43,959 BELCHES 341 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:45,959 JOY, LAUGHING: Oh, my God. 342 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:49,160 JOY BELCHES You're the cutest. 343 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:56,320 - I'm drunk. - Mm. 344 00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:01,959 No, I'm not done. 345 00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:04,959 Mm-mm-mm. No siree. 346 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:07,999 MAEVE RETCHES Oh, my. 347 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,959 MAEVE COUGHING 348 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:12,480 Maeve! 349 00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:18,800 JOY RETCHES 350 00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:21,960 RETCHING, COUGHING 351 00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:26,959 MAEVE EXHALES 352 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:28,959 Maeve, we're not gonna get our deposit back. 353 00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:30,959 I just puked all over the rhododendrons. 354 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,640 MAEVE GROANS Oh, God. 355 00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:36,959 We had fun! 356 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:38,320 We had fun. 357 00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:45,959 Oh, my God, I'm dying. 358 00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:48,959 Oh, my God. 359 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:50,320 Me too. 360 00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:55,480 I'm not the best of friends, Maeve. 361 00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:58,960 I'm not the best of people. 362 00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:01,960 You know, I'm just grand. 363 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:05,960 I wanna be better. 364 00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:09,959 SIGHS 365 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:10,960 I'm so sorry. 366 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:31,959 I was the one that stole your bottle of Davidoff Cool Water. 367 00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:33,959 It wasn't Sinead. 368 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:34,960 No! 369 00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:37,960 Sorry. 370 00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:41,800 - I gave her a dead arm. - I know. 371 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,960 Poor Sinead. 372 00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:49,960 It's OK. 373 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:53,480 Thank you. 374 00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:59,160 BFFs. 375 00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:06,959 Boots, been in there. 376 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:08,959 - Yeah. - Oh, yeah. 377 00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:11,960 So, hey, back to the, er... Yeah. JOY GROANS 378 00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:31,960 Thank you for this. 379 00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:35,959 I needed it more than you know. 380 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:39,639 You need a fringe more than you know, so... 381 00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:40,959 I'm gonna miss you so much. 382 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:42,479 Well, I'm gonna see you next week 383 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:44,960 cos I'm literally gonna come back and see you next week. 384 00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:47,959 I don't want you to be sad, you know? 385 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:51,959 I don't want you to beat yourself up about what we didn't do, and... 386 00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,959 Yeah, I am a bit sad that we didn't go 387 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:55,959 to that Holyhead art exhibition. 388 00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:57,959 I'm just so obsessed with culture, Maeve. 389 00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:00,959 But we did have toad in the hole for breakfast, 390 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,999 and I don't care what anybody says about imports or whatsits, 391 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:05,960 we still don't have that in Ireland. 392 00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:10,959 One last goodbye. 393 00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:13,959 Absolutely. But, like, for literally seven days. 394 00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:15,960 THEY CHUCKLE Come here. 395 00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:40,960 SIGHS 396 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:09,960 You came! 397 00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:11,959 Hi. 398 00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:15,800 I know you're busy. I really appreciate that you came. 399 00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:19,319 I did. Yeah, of course I did. 400 00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,959 I left Olivia at my mum's. You got my message. 401 00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:23,959 Yeah. 402 00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:25,160 So, what do you think? 403 00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:28,959 What do I think? Well, what do you think? 404 00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:30,959 It's difficult to explain. 405 00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:32,959 Just try, though? 406 00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:34,959 - Can you believe he's left? - Left? Who? 407 00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:36,959 I can't believe I'm saying the words "my husband has left me". 408 00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:39,959 Oh, my God, Trish! Are you kidding? 409 00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:40,960 No. 410 00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:44,959 Sorry, it's just so shocking. 411 00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:48,640 It's like every time, I'm literally hearing it for the first time. 412 00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:50,959 OK. 413 00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:52,960 Let's get a cup of tea. 414 00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:02,960 So, tell me everything from the start. 415 00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:20,959 Morning. - Morning. 416 00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:22,960 You doing OK? 417 00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:25,960 I got a text this morning from Stan. 418 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:30,959 OK, let me explain. You see, we went for a swim in the sea, 419 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:32,639 and then we were staying in this tiny caravan, 420 00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:33,959 and it was so small in there. 421 00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:35,799 The way you're like, "Sorry, can I get by?" 422 00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:37,959 Then we started kissing, and then it just slipped in for a minute. 423 00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:39,959 No, n-not that. 424 00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:41,960 What is it? 425 00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:47,960 Maeve is dead. 426 00:23:57,480 --> 00:23:59,960 DOG BARKING 427 00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:15,000 DOG BARKING 428 00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:23,959 DOGS HOWLING 429 00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:25,960 Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com